dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
