dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
