i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
