it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
