It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
