I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
