Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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