11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
