When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Randomize
