omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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