the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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