Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
nutella sex= disaster
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
