I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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