I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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