Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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