she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
