somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Your penis caused this!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
