if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
