I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
