I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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