No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
