She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
