I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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