remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
