u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
