no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
