Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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