There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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