This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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