i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
