Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
