OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
