I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
