She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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