I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
