I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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