i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he puts the penis in happiness.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
