I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
