You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
