I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
