Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
