hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
