I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
