Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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