Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
