just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
