I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
