I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
