Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
