Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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