Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
