i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
