So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
