im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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