i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
