She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
